JOKES FROM THE DISH

Apparently, Erica Kane’s got amnesia again.  Or that’s her evil twin.  Or she’s still in the coma.  (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on Susan Lucci’s performance in the group hip hop number on Dancing With the Stars.)

 Take that, Al Qaeda!  (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on Krispy Kreme giving donuts to voters.)

 She’d better hope Mr. Right doesn’t have Tivo.  (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on single woman Amy Borkowski’s goal of buying commercial time during the Super Bowl for a personal ad.  The fast-forward sound effect sold the joke.)

 Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s supporting McCain?!?!?  She should’ve told someone.  (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on Elisabeth Hasselbeck in a McCain t-shirt.)

 I wasn’t going to vote, but now that the “hot tranny mess” guy from Project Runway suggests I do, well, color me registered.  (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on Christian Siriano’s Vote t-shirt.)

 They have so much money, they’re getting three each. (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on Star magazine’s report that the Olsen Twins may get boob jobs.)

 How many calories do I burn if I throw it out the window?  (The Dish’s Danielle Fishel on a dumbbell-shaped alarm clock that won’t turn off until you do thirty reps.)

 

 

THE DISH

These are highlights from this week’s episode of The dish, hosted by danielle fishel on the style network, saturdays at 10 p.m.  

No one wants this to become a snuff film with a live band.  (The Dish’s danielle fishel suggesting america may want to ease up on voting for cloris leachman on dancing with the stars.)

Take that all you other living women!  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on esquire naming halle berry sexiest woman alive.)

Well, there were two babies in her.  Now there aren’t.  The rest is pilates and fiber.  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on the us magazine headline “angelina jolie, how she got so thin so fast”)

Did Minnie Mouse always have that much junk in her trunk?  Girlfriend needs to ease up on the cheese.  she’s been trying to bring back polka dots forever.  give it up!  (The Dish’s danielle fishel critiquing minnie mouse’s dress at the disneyland celebration for miley cyrus)

There’s nothing better than celebrating your birthday at the office.  Happy birthday Miley, there’s cake in the break room.  Now get back to work.  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on miley cyrus’s birthday celebration at disneyland)

So apparently, in that family there’s no kissing before marriage and, basically, non-stop baby-making afterward. How about rounding a few bases before, then maybe only two or three kids after?  just me?  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on the duggar family of TLC’s “17 and COUnting,” who don’t believe in kissing before marriage)

it’s perfect for when you go hunting.  and mavericking.  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on a folding knife with john mccain’s face on it, found on e-bay)

So where does joe six pack put his other two Bud Lights?  Directly on the coffee table?  I don’t think so.  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on a four-pack of sarah palin coasters)

They come in three sizes:  small, mccain and obama.  (The Dish’s danielle fishel on condoms with mccain and obama on the wrappers)

Rednecks run and hide when they see you coming.  Even Jeff Foxworthy is like, “you are on your own.”

(The Dish’s danielle fishel on a brother and adopted sister getting married on “my Big redneck wedding”)